Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
