worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
