Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
