Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
third nipple confirmed
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
