All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
