I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
