So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
