I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
