I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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