Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
