just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
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