Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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