it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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