coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think your dad took our porno
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
