You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
