Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
