My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
