Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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