so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
