I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize