Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
