hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
