the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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