you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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