seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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