How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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