omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
