we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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