R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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