He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
