she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
