She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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