you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
