I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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