I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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