Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
