i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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