Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Are we still banned from the library?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
