my phone needs a breathalizer
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
