Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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