He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
then he tried to convert me to islam
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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