i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
