This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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