and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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