In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
