dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
