Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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