Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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