the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
