I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
