I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize