1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
