Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
