his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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