just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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