Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
