So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
