just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
