I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
