too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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