none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
