why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
