dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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