I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
