so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
