He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
