if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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