Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
