38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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