It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize