the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
